Try not to make the internet your only connection to love

It will be the 40th anniversary next year. That's 40 years since the woman who hasn't had sex for 40 years last had sex. Or so she told me and I have no reason to disbelieve her. Every time we meet, she tells me her dog is her constant companion now.

Less trouble than a man she says.

Although my experience, gleaned from numerous pub conversations, is that men are little if any trouble and very low-maintenance. They just need the odd service to keep them going.

And a woman told me women get more mad for sex when they get older, just when the men are in decline. Which is very unfair on all concerned. And a terrible cosmic joke.

I suppose I should have issued the usual warning. There is sex in this column. Yes, I'm doing sex this week and sorry if I've put you out.

So if you want to turn the page, now is the time.

It's been a while now since I've written about sex. Nearly two weeks. The main reason is that this is the silly season.

In other words, the Dáil is closed for the summer and there's not much news about. Not that sex isn't important, because it is.

Don't ever get in trouble - and especially sex trouble - in the silly season. If you do, be warned the papers will be full of you.

The Archbishop of Dublin withdrew his seminarians from Maynooth last week and while we do not know the real story, it seems there was an outbreak of gayness.

And if there's a lesson to be learned from the Maynooth controversy, it is that celibacy isn't good for anyone unless it is a temporary celibacy between bouts of sexual activity and is a type of foreplay celibacy, which is quite acceptable.

I'm not sure why there is so much controversy about alleged gay seminarians. Are ye telling me no one knew there were gay priests or gay student priests? And what's the difference between celibate gays and celibate heterosexuals?

Before I get down to the sex, we will bring in a little bit of romance, which is a different type of loving altogether.

Deirdre O'Callaghan married her sweetheart Edward Brophy in Moyvane on Friday last. Deirdre mentioned to her friends she would love to have her wedding band sing Frank and Walters' iconic hit 'After All' for the romantic first dance.

And Frank and Walters were there in person to surprise Deirdre in the so excellent Listowel Arms Hotel. Wasn't that a lovely, classy surprise?

Frank and Walters will be back in Listowel on Saturday next for an open-air concert in our town square of the twin spires and the Vienna feel to it, along with The incredibly wonderful Riptide Movement and The stunning Stunning.

The Revival music festival is organised by eight local publicans and I'm not one. Too busy I was with other projects. I'm so proud, though, that a new generation is keeping our town alive. The Square is a perfect venue and the bands are of the finest kind. The night will be one to remember forever.

I know I have deviated from sex for a minute or so but I'm sure the festival gig will take men's minds off sex for a while, which is no bad thing and a great relief too.

Women, generally speaking, are more emotionally involved when it comes to sex. Men are always in the mood. That used to be the way but there was a study published in America this week and the conclusion was that a large enough slice of the Millennials are either going off sex or never went on sex.

I'd say some of the device- obsessed and emotionally detached Millennials would prefer gaming women to gamey women. Millennials were born in the 20 years or so before the year 2000.

The Millennials were the first cohort to be exposed full on to the tech revolution and so there were no past experiences to guide us.

If Herself annoys you with "get up off that sofa and out and bring the Pokemon out for a pee", well then you can just switch her off.

I can see the merits of virtual relationships but we need to meet up front and personal.

I'd be all against vibrators too. Mark my words, vibrators will do away with men.

It's a lot easier to charge failing batteries than a man in decline.

Detachment comes from spending too much time plugged in to phones, tablets and laptops.

It's mostly men who withdraw and worse it's going to get. Men keep their emotions in check, which is good and bad - but mostly bad, in that there's a cure in talk.

I would say you must put yourself in the way of hurt and pain to find healing. This is the only way. Go out and meet the people.

Gaming or Facebook will never nibble your ear or give you a rub of a toe when the mood is right in the darkest of the night.

I do agree, though, that connecting online is a great cure for loneliness or for finding a date, especially when you are far away from home. All I'm saying here is try not to make the internet your only connection to love.

After all that we've been through

It all comes down to me and you

I guess it's meant to be

Forever you and me, after all

So sang Frank and Walters at the wedding and it's about the me and you, not the me and me.